How to Make Enemies at a Wedding

Yesterday was the beginning (and possibly the end?) of my “career” as a wedding singer. As part of the church’s chamber choir, the women are often asked to sing at weddings – and on this particular Saturday none of the other women were available. This is really the only reason I agreed to do it in the first place; I am thoroughly out-diva-ed by the other girls.

Bearing in mind that I have never learnt how to sing and would by no means consider myself a soloist, the prospect of more or less sight-singing half a dozen pieces on the most important day of someone else’s life was a little terrifying. Picture a congregation full of affluent Italians in one of our city’s most prestigious churches. Enter me, desperately trying not to lose my voice after three weeks of solid singing and teaching, with water bottle in one hand, thermal cup of boiling water for emergency steaming in the other and a pile of music tucked under one arm and only just resisting the urge to run in the opposite direction.

I managed to stuff up the first alleluia followed immediately by some improvised English text, fumbled my way through some hymns and then, shaking with fear, sang Schubert’s Ave Maria knowing that any slight error would quickly be noticed by many in the congregation. I might have got away with that one… Needless to say, I couldn’t get out of there quick enough!

Unfortunately for me and my poor fading voice there was a second wedding to do. Thankfully this service was in the chapel, and so it was far less elaborate and intimidating. No microphones – yay!! Not that it went without error; there were still moments of stylistically-challenged improvisation.

With any luck the brides either didn’t notice or didn’t care. The grooms (I assume) would not mind either way. But far from putting me at ease about any future weddings, I think this experience has increased my fear status to a full-blown phobia!!